with not ever having any more babies.

Hubby and I are both 41.  He’s done, he said.  He asked me if it was okay that he’s done, and what am I to say but sure? 

He said he wants to have some peace in his life in his “old age”.  I don’t.  I mean, our lives are only halfway over.  Our youngest will be “out of the house” when we’re only 60.  That still gives us a good 20+ years, God willing, to do… what?  Travel?  I’m not interested in traveling the world.  Relax?  That will kill me sooner than old age will.  What?  What to do with the last 20-30 years of my life?

I’m sure I’ll have grandchildren, again God willing.  And that’s great when they visit.  I’ll have chaos and noise and cook for lots of people, blah blah blah.  But then they leave.  And then what?  Silence.  Boredom.

Do I want to be a Walmart Greeter when I’m 65 just to have something to do?  Not really.  Will I just sit around and watch movies, play online poker, blog, and sleep?  Woo hoo, I’m getting my party hat out.

I have no medical reason not to have more children – my pregnancies and childbirths are fantastic.

And also, I truly regret not having my babies at home.  I really want to experience a home birth.  I don’t want a doctor near me.  I mean, my other labors were great – no intervention, natural, beautiful perfect labors.  But I want to be here, where it’s natural and normal and SHOULD be.  I want to experience a home birth.  More than one, if I could blow out the candles and make any wish I wanted.

I don’t want to be done.  I don’t feel like my family is complete yet.   And this makes me very sad.

Sigh… my boys were unable to make it home from Germany over the weekend.  I’m waiting by the phone today to see if they’re able to come in today.  They will be flying into Baltimore or Boston with someone, then flying by themselves here… I believe it’s about an 8 hour flight, so really, they’ll be here in two hours… LOL…

So we filled up the girls’ pool and spent the weekend in the beautiful sun.  Showing off some pics of my beautiful, perfect little ones:

Ayla must be waiting for her big brother to get home to truly crawl.  She’s been on all fours for quite some time, can go backwards, roll anywhere, and scoot forward… but I promised Justus I wouldn’t let her grow up until he got back. 

My SIL has opted for the radiation to reduce the size of the growing tumor in her brain, simply to make her last weeks here more comfortable.  I can’t imagine having to make such decisions for myself.  Whenever I get frustrated at my own life, making choices like what I have to cook for dinner, I think about Carol, and her choice to live a few more weeks.  Makes cooking meatloaf pretty ridiculous.

We had a cable, phone, and internet outage yesterday morning – I got laundry done, made 6 dozen oatmeal chocolate chip cookies from scratch, and even made French Onion soup from scratch for the first time – and it was delicious!  I’m trying to figure out if I can get the boys to eat it… Hmmm.  So, I need to have an outage once a week, I think – I got a lot done!

There’s so much in the news I could rant about, but frankly I’m not in the mood.  It’ll aggravate me, and I’m in too good of a mood realizing I’ll be holding my boys within the next 36 hours!  I’ll rant later in the week!

« Older Posts