ABOUT THE BOOK, Baby Matters

“The extensively documented Baby Matters… could serve as an attachment parenting primer, covering breastfeeding, bonding, and cosleeping. Palmer also pays a lot of attention to food allergies and immunity protection. ” — Mothering magazine

“The greatest discovery is that the science supports natural, instinctual parenting over all else.”    – Dr. Linda F. Palmer

• Today our newest neurological studies and hormonal findings serve to re-prove what the attachment psychologists were trying to tell us in 60’s and 70’s.
• What has come to be known as “Attachment Parenting” more often develops children who actually become more independent, as well as healthier and more psychologically secure.

 

Parents have been encouraged that responding to their baby’s pleas for affection and attention would only “spoil” them. Yet, I have found no sound research to support any long-term benefits from such detached parenting. In fact, a mountain of studies suggest quite the opposite — that responsive parenting is best.

 

 

As I read more and more sites that women recommend the “cry-it-out” method to “train” a baby to go to sleep.  I just can’t express my distress over this horrid practice enough… I pound the keyboard as I type…

I hope none of these women are ever left alone, unable to speak for some reason, and everyone simply ignores them because they are fed, have clean clothes, and everyone feels they don’t need soothed. Maybe it’s just not convenient, or not time, or whatever.  Standing outside their rooms would be love and needed attention, ignoring them just to get them to shut up. 

Women even shutting off monitors or using ear plugs. 

Why can’t they realize the PROVEN (yes, proven.  Absolutely unequivicably proven) physical and mental damage that such neglect (did I say neglect?  I MEANT IT) can cause a baby.

Because of the ignorant conclusion that you are spoiling a baby.  Yes, that is ignorant.  And the pathetic information given that “your baby will NEVER go to sleep on his own”.  Yeah, there’s loads of high schoolers out there that still need their mommy to rock them to sleep.  This is one of those statements that make me cringe when I see someone actually took the time to type it out.  Wrong.  Wrong.  Wrong.

Crying until they throw up.  Crying for 30 minutes.  Heck, crying for five minutes is TOO MUCH. 

A baby is not an inconvenience.  A baby is not a responsibility only from 8 a.m. to 8 p.m.  If you weren’t prepared to lovingly parent your child to sleep every single time he needs it, perhaps parenting wasn’t the choice you should’ve made.

So sad.

http://geriatricmama.wordpress.com/2007/06/02/cio-information/

Ah.  Listen.  The sound of… nothing.  My son had three teenage friends over for four days to celebrate his 15th birthday.  Teenage boys.  That equates to at least 1.34 elephants, on the “how much can they eat” scale.

Our normal six-person family breakfast on the weekends is bad enough (a loaf of bread, package of bacon, dozen eggs, package of cheese, half gallon of milk, for example) but add three more 150 pound little men into the mix and this mama spent a LOT of time on food duty!   The boys did enjoy some dogs over the open pit fire, and some burgers on the grill, but dogs and burgers doth not sustain the growing boy.  Wowza.

I had my physical yesterday – EKG and other data looked good, they took enough blood to give Dracula a nice meal, and we discussed the ultrasound on my foot this Thursday.  And dang it, I still haven’t gotten out to get my shoes, my kid’s plans interfered!

I took some time off the computer this weekend and yesterday, and I must say it was liberating.  Sadly, I’ve gotten myself wrapped up in some message boards that aren’t healthy for me, and I think I have to take a vacation from the negativity and drama.  I just think I might be too old to have the cliques and arguments and things that are reminiscent of the high school I graduated from 25 years ago.

I just need to continue maintain my relationships only with those groups that are more like me – less mainstream, more AP, more “I parent with common sense and just because a book (or website, or doctor, or friend, or grandma, or stranger on the internet) says *this* doesn’t make it right” people…   In my valiant efforts to teach those that are possibly unteachable (or simply unwilling), I’ve only succeeded in frustrating myself.  So, I feel freed, much more at peace, and less concerned with trying to help new (and veteran) moms find a way that might be a little different (and probably easier, cheaper, less stressful, more fun, and on and on and on) than the ”WTEWYE Mentality” – it’s apparent a lot don’t want to do it any other way, and that’s fantastic… hopefully they’ll seek out help when they need it, and get good, valid, up-to-date information wherever they look.  Everyone is trying to be the best mom possible, I just hope my 15+ years experience, extreme confidence, and good knowledge helped one or two along the way!

That’s my Tuesday musings for the time being… entertaining tens of people every week. 

 

Then why would you do it at all?

I read so many posts on boards with women that “hope they don’t have to” let their baby CIO to train (ugh) them to sleep.

Or they start a question with “I don’t want to debate”.  And this topic always gets very heated and ugly on birth boards, often leading to threads being locked and posters being banned. 

Doesn’t that mean that somewhere, deep down in your soul, you KNOW that CIO could be wrong?  I mean, I hope I don’t kill my child.  I hope I don’t blow my house up.  I hope I don’t die tomorrow.  I don’t have to hope I won’t leave my baby alone in a room to cry himself asleep and give up on her mama - this is a conscious choice that I get to make.

Just thinkin’ about how people word things, and how it’s clear that they KNOW this is not the right choice to make, otherwise they wouldn’t have the feelings that they “hope they don’t have to”.

Your choice is your choice – you are the parent.  I hope you’re making an educated choice, and explored your options.  And if you have to wonder if you’re right, and defend your choice allllll the time, then maybe you’re not.  Good luck.

’sall.

 

http://geriatricmama.wordpress.com/2007/06/02/cio-information/

 

http://www.mothering.com/articles/new_baby/sleep/fleiss.html

Some blurbs from it (not the whole article, it’s a must read, it’s very informative!!):

 

1. Don’t ignore your children’s cries. After all, they may be sick, in danger, or in pain. Babies and young children are emotional rather than rational creatures. They can’t comprehend why their cries for help are being ignored. Even with the best of intentions, ignoring children leads them to feel abandoned. The result will be insecure, unhappy children. You cannot “spoil” children by responding to their cries. “Spoiled” children are those who don’t know what to expect from their parents. They are often alternately punished or praised for the same activity at different times.

Expecting babies or young children to “self-soothe” is unreasonable. Responding to children’s cries, comforting them, and trying to help them overcome whatever it is that is bothering them is not only effective, it is the only proper way to help them fall asleep.

2. Don’t let children “cry it out”. Many best-selling childcare books actually instruct parents to let children cry themselves to sleep, suggesting that this will teach children how to “self-soothe”. Wiser parents and doctors find this an unacceptable and self-defeating practice.

3. Don’t expect your infant to sleep through the night. Any sort of “training” to make babies sleep through the night is unnatural and possibly dangerous.

10. Don’t “train” your child to sleep by regulating feeding times. When in good health, a baby will signal when he or she needs to feed. Feeding should never be governed by a time schedule. The idea, currently promoted by some childcare book authors, that babies can be “trained” to “sleep through the night” by restricting, regulating, and managing feeding is unrealistic and cruel. When an infant wants to feed, it is because his or her body requires nourishment. Depriving an infant of nourishment when he or she needs it is, frankly speaking, abusive. Even the American Academy of Pediatrics is very worried by the rise of so-called “parent-directed” feeding schemes as alleged methods of “training” infants and children to sleep through the night.

 

Yup.  Still pregnant.  I have registered Ayla for Kindergarten, purchased an internal microphone and speakers so she can interact with the children that are not as stubborn as she is!

 Some questions have come up about AP parenting and possible “spoiling” of babies and toddlers on one of my chat room boards.  I want to reiterate that AP ultimately makes a child MORE secure in their independence and less spoiled, in the long run!  This is one of the reasons my daughter will go into the backyard, for example, and safely play for hours by herself – it’s wonderful for me (the back of my house is all windows, I can see her regardless of where I am downstairs – it’s so nice to have “me” time and know she’s 100% safe and sound!!!  Knock on wood, I’ve never had to take this child to the doc or ER when she’s playing alone, she’s so careful and smart) and even better for her – she explores, plays, jumps, laughs, interacts with our dogs, and is learning so much.  And I don’t have to be right beside her for her to be safe and happy.  THIS is the definitive AP.  And remember, AP is not a cut-in-stone philosophy – you pick and choose which works for you.

I wanted to point out the CIO information as well – it may be on my blog links as “older blogs”, but please remember to re-read and refresh.  Some of my new friends are having their babies now and I wanted to ensure you had the information to make an educated choice based on the physical and psychological – UNDISPUTABLE – facts of what happens when a baby is abandoned to cry alone simply in order to “train” them.  Remember – you are a parent 24 hours a day!

 

No big plans for New Year’s, obviously.  Hey, maybe I’ll have the first baby of 2008.  I get a box of diapers or something, right?

Hugs and kisses to my friends and family – have a safe and happy NYE, please PLEASE get home okay if you’re going out – and I’ll let you know if Ayla is optiong to give us our tax deduction this year or next!   Love you all!

Interesting information!

 

Sleeping thru the night:  http://www.kathydettwyler.org/detsleepthrough.html

Attachment Parenting improves baby’s security and health:  http://www.babyreference.com/attachmentparenting.htm 

Debunking “first food” myths:  http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/9646449/

Is Pain Free Birth really possible?  http://www.compleatmother.com/articles2/childbirth/pain_free.shtml

Spanking:  http://www.askdrsears.com/html/6/T062100.asp

I hope by posting some of these informational links, not only will some of you be influenced to try attachment parenting and gentle discipline, but also have some of your FTM concerns addressed, such as the eating and sleeping issues.

And rest assured, this time goes so fast.  Too fast.  You will be looking back in 5 or 6 years and truly miss those snuggle-filled nights, and will barely remember the sleepless ones!

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