Yup.  Still pregnant.  I have registered Ayla for Kindergarten, purchased an internal microphone and speakers so she can interact with the children that are not as stubborn as she is!

 Some questions have come up about AP parenting and possible “spoiling” of babies and toddlers on one of my chat room boards.  I want to reiterate that AP ultimately makes a child MORE secure in their independence and less spoiled, in the long run!  This is one of the reasons my daughter will go into the backyard, for example, and safely play for hours by herself – it’s wonderful for me (the back of my house is all windows, I can see her regardless of where I am downstairs – it’s so nice to have “me” time and know she’s 100% safe and sound!!!  Knock on wood, I’ve never had to take this child to the doc or ER when she’s playing alone, she’s so careful and smart) and even better for her – she explores, plays, jumps, laughs, interacts with our dogs, and is learning so much.  And I don’t have to be right beside her for her to be safe and happy.  THIS is the definitive AP.  And remember, AP is not a cut-in-stone philosophy – you pick and choose which works for you.

I wanted to point out the CIO information as well – it may be on my blog links as “older blogs”, but please remember to re-read and refresh.  Some of my new friends are having their babies now and I wanted to ensure you had the information to make an educated choice based on the physical and psychological – UNDISPUTABLE – facts of what happens when a baby is abandoned to cry alone simply in order to “train” them.  Remember – you are a parent 24 hours a day!

 

No big plans for New Year’s, obviously.  Hey, maybe I’ll have the first baby of 2008.  I get a box of diapers or something, right?

Hugs and kisses to my friends and family – have a safe and happy NYE, please PLEASE get home okay if you’re going out – and I’ll let you know if Ayla is optiong to give us our tax deduction this year or next!   Love you all!

 

Yeah, my old 3x used uterus won’t hold this baby until the due date.

Surrrrreeeee…… at this point I don’t think I’m gonna get a 2009 deduction! LOL!

Sigh.  I know I wouldn’t nearly be this anxious if I hadn’t assumed Ayla would join us a few weeks ago.  I realized this is why I’m having the emotions I am – with the other ones, I simply “aimed” for the due date and was pleasantly surprised when I had a HEALTHY baby early – I would never want a baby early if she wasn’t going to be healthy, mind you – which is why I still won’t do anything to “help” this one along. 

My hubby – the voice of reason, I tell you.  Right when I’m at the end of my rope, considering doing something like letting the doc break my waters, he sits down, looks at me, and says “You know, you don’t believe in the intervention, does it really matter if you go a few more days?  What if something goes wrong?  What if, like you believe, intervention leads to more intervention?  Would you ever forgive yourself?”

Nope.  I wouldn’t.  He’s right.  Why is he always right?  Thank God I have him – he is truly my strength and my heart.

 

To my friends:  I wish words could explain how I feel about you.  Your generosity, prayers, love, and friendship mean so much to me that it almost hurts.  You bring tears to my eyes with your thoughts and gifts.  I truly would be lost and alone if I didn’t have your shoulders.  So Jacks, Pen, Tres, and Jonesie – my heart is going out to you every single blessed day.  I love you.

 

Around 3 p.m. yesterday I started praying to the labor gods not to send me into labor until at least 3 p.m. today so I didn’t miss the boys’ and Autumn’s Christmas morning.

The gods have cursed me and methinks perhaps this child would like to attend Kindergarten in my tummy.

She has now made it longer than Justus or Autumn had made it.  And I know, without a doubt, her conception date… so clearly she doesn’t feel she’s done cooking.  And I’m fine with that.  I still refuse to mess with nature and God and I will let this happen on it’s own, in her own time.  It’s best for her and mama, I know.

Mama does, however, feel it’s time! LOL!  I have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow, I may not even go, I’m so frustrated… and what’s she going to tell me – Oh, Sandra, your BP is fine, your weight is fine, baby’s HB is at 148, moving great.  See ya next week.

Ugh!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

I hope all of my friends and family were blessed with a warm and safe holiday today.  Sending love to all, you are all so important in my life.  God bless and hugs – have a safe New Year’s as well!

 

Had a great appointment yesterday at my 38 week mark.  Ayla has dropped a little more, giving my doc hope that she will be here before Christmas.  If not, I go in on the 26th for another appt.  From my mouth to God’s ears, I won’t make it… lol!  I certainly want to ensure she’s “cooked”, but she’s already made it longer than Autumn did and Autumn was perfect.  Ah well, it’s not up to me, is it?

Dr. K. asked again about just letting her break my waters.  She knows I’m 100% against any interventions/medications in labor, and if she could guarantee me (she can’t) that AROM wouldn’t lead to other medical interventions, it would be a consideration of mine.  She wanted to book my room for the 27th… but I declined.  I just can’t wrap my mind around childbirth being anything but purely natural and nothing I need to have anyone but me, Ayla, and God messing with, know what I mean?  I certainly don’t remember having these considerations with any of the other three! LOL!  Maybe it’s age – I wasn’t so uncomfortable and ready to meet this little person and get on with our expanded family.  Maybe it’s the holidays.  Maybe it’s…. well… maybe.

ETA 12/20/07: 

So… I shall update if and when there is news, people!  Have a great day!

 

BP low, weight still only 11 lbs (woot woot!)… baby definitely head down and engaged, and ready to go!

Doc and I were discussing the hospital again, I wanted to ensure nothing changed since I had Autumn.  She still won’t “make” me have an IV, I can eat and drink if I want, and basically I run my show.  I’ll call someone in when it’s time to push, otherwise hubby and I can just be there watching TV or whatever… and providing everyone is healthy, I’m going home in 2-3 hours!  The only concern now is that on Friday (yes, odds are slim Ayla will come during that specific day) my doc is at a hospital that’s about a 25 minute drive.  She said if I can make it, that would be fantastic – and that hospital will also respect me as the mother and patient and let me be. 

Sooo… I asked her, “off the record”, if she really truly thought this labor would be as fast and run similar to the other ones, and she’s adamant that there is no reason why she would think differently.  She fully expects my waters to break, she fully expects me to have only about a half an hour from start to finish.  While that’s great news, I’m a little nervous because Gary is still working downtown until this Friday.  After that, he’s working from home and will be able to get me to the hospital.

I’m sure I’m getting giddy prematurely – I truly want to ensure she “cooks” long enough, but admittedly there’s a part that would love to be holding her right now.  I won’t do anything to encourage anything happening before it’s time, that’s for sure!

That’s all for now… have a fantastic Wednesday!

 

Well, the Nobel Prize has all the respect from me that the lint between my toes gets… I’m still shocked that they gave it to an insignifant blip in society for merely reading incorrect facts from a piece of paper written by money-hungry scientists and researchers manipulating data for their own self-worth.  Al Gore, you should be ASHAMED.  You are not only an unintelligent political failure, but you stole this honor from those that truly deserve it.

To the wonderful woman that saved thousands of innocent Jewish children from certain death, but didn’t receive what was once this respected honor, I am embarrased for the prize committee and apologetic.  Karma is real, an you will be justly rewarded some day.

Tomorrow is 37 weeks.  Feeling like “something is going on” but I’m sure that’s just perfectly normal end-of-pregnancy hopeful thinking.  If only God could write me a note today saying he guarantees Ayla would be perfectly healthy to come this early, I would be more anxious to meet her!

I love my sister.  I’m so happy she’s happy.

What kind of person makes a stranger more important than anyone else in their life?  What constistutes the mentality of a stalker?  Are they truly disabled, in the mind?  Perhaps I should ask Jodie Foster what kind of mental problems her stalker had.  Maybe they were beat as kids?  Maybe they stuck firecrackers up cat’s butts and found it fun?

Maybe someone needs to stick firecrackers up their butts, huh? 

Being stalked doesn’t impact me in the least – but I’m concerned about anyone within a physical range of a stalker.  Of course, this is just general rambling.  I mean, if that stalker has children, should it be ensured those children are safe?  If these stalkers have spouses, do they know the mental state of their significant other?  And if they have both children and spouses, why are the victims of their stalkings so much more important, powerful, and special than the family they should be taking care of?  Hm.  Something to think about.

I am saddened to read more and more accounts of people who hit their kids.  I suppose I’ll have to deal with this for the rest of my life.  I can still be sad about it, though.

Okay, I think that’s all of my ramblings for today!

 

Had my 36 week appt today.  BP fine, weight hasn’t changed (woo hoo)… but hmmmm.  Doc thinks I’ll be paging her this week.  Says due to my mental state (just giddy to be alive) and physical state (feeling fantastic, and baby has dropped which I guess doesn’t always happen in 2+ mamas)…  part of me thinks COOL, but part of me wants to ensure Ayla doesn’t spend a millisecond in the NICU either!  The good news, however, is as of today I will not have to spend the night in the hospital (Ayla either) IF everything is healthy and happy with labor & delivery.

Cross your fingers baby cooks at least another week or so!

 

Random thoughts…

When you make a good friend, cherish them.  I’m so thankful for the handful of friends I’ve made over the years – you know who you are and you know I love you so much, sometimes it’s painful.

And we’re gonna get a big duplex and fill it with cats and moth balls when our husbands die so we can grow old together.  Yup.

I love my kids.  I still sit amazed sometimes at them.  They’re growing so fast.  And are just so smart.

Where do 2 year olds get their sense of shame or embarrasment?  In my house, we don’t spank, or even raise our voices, to Autumn… yet yesterday she spilled some cinnamon on the kitchen floor and proceeded to hide her head in the corner of the couch.  Is it instinctual?  She seemed ashamed… we’ve certainly never taught shame here!  Weird….

I love my husband.  I can’t believe I deserve him.  He’s taught me to be humble – for 20+ years I was “independent”, in that I could take care of myself.  He’s taught me to let someone else take care of me.  He taught me it’s not “his” money and “my” money, it’s our money.  And he sincerely means it.  It upsets him if I slip and say “can I borrow $20.00″… he immediately corrects me with a forceful NO and says you can HAVE $20.00.  Gawd, I love this sensitive being that is not only my best friend, but my soulmate and lover.  I don’t know what I’d do without you.

Yes I do.  I’ll go move into a duplex with my friends, fill it with cats….